People are contagious. The people you spend the most time with infect you with their attitude, their ideas and their energy or lack of energy. Over time we become more and more like the people hang out with. That’s not always a good thing.
Take a good look at your inner circle of friends, your teammates, and think about whether or not they’re good for you. Are you a better version of yourself because of their influence? Do they move you closer to your goals or pull you away from them? Are they in your life because they need you or is it mutual?
You don’t have to keep the same friends just because you’ve always had them. Friendship is a privilege not an obligation. If you have people in your life that don’t fit your life, spend less time with them and start building a support system that adds to your success. Life’s too important to do anything else.
How do you define yourself? What’s the purpose of your life? What do you want to accomplish?
In the business world, these questions are answered with a mission statement. For example, Disney’s mission is to “create happiness by providing the finest entertainment for people of all ages, everywhere”. Its how they define themselves. The mission statement is the broad stroke. How they choose to accomplish that is determined by the finer strokes of strategic planning and goal setting.
We should do the same thing in our personal lives. I have a friend who’s a woman of faith and I believe it’s her mission to live her life spreading the message of Christianity, not by words but by example. You wouldn’t recognize this immediately. Instead you’d see a happy, confident, self-depricating, funny lady who’s excited about life. She’s my doctor and as a doctor she’s compassionate, non-judgmental, but strong. She listens, really listens to her patients, even if it means taking extra time. As a friend, she’s generous with her time and spirit. When she invites people to her home she adds life to the party out of love for her guests and we feel it. As a wife, she revels in the things that make her husband excited about his life. There’s clearly mutual respect and admiration between the two of them. They have no children of their own but as an Aunt she’s the pied piper. She supports the successes of her neices and nephews. She attends their events, takes them on trips, and gently shepherds their emerging values.
Karen would be annoyed with me for making her out to be so perfect. She’d be the first to tell you that she’s anything but perfect. So yes, we can add humility to the list. And truthfully, in some ways, she’s a mess just like all of us. But she’s living her mission. Everything she does is congruent with her passion and consequently she’s excited to get out of bed in the morning and face whatever challenge might cross her path.
Spend some time thinking about your destiny. Write a personal mission statement. It will help bring your life into focus and bring you joy…tis the season for that.
It’s easy to get side-tracked in life by people who are traveling down roads that become detours to our success. It’s important to make connections but equally important to evaluate those connections periodically. The people we choose to spend the most time with should enhance our success, not detract from it.
For example, a friend of mine is trying to lose 50 lbs. His friends are well aware of his goal so why do they show up at his house with a grocery bag of junk food to watch a movie? They’re not trying to be mean, it’s just a reflection of the lifestyle they’re living. He’s part of it. They’re all a little out of shape. So he thinks to himself, “What’s one day?”
One day turns into a week which turns into a year and the 50 lbs turns into 70 lbs. His friends aren’t helping him reach his goals, they’re keeping him from them. He needs to add better connections. He needs to spend more time with people who are focused on helping him succeed.
The same thing happens at work. If the co-workers you spend the most time with are constantly undermining the boss or looking for ways to get around the system, your success will suffer right along with theirs. There is nothing more detrimental to your career than getting caught up in office politics. Rise above it. Hang out with co-workers who like coming to work, who want to grow in the organization.
As parents we worry about the quality of our children’s friendships. Maybe we should spend a little more time paying attention to the quality of our own friendships. No matter what your age, you are who you hang out with. So think about it. Are the people you spend the majority of your time with assets or liabilities in your life? Are they helping you become the best possible version of yourself? Do they give you energy or do they take it from you?
Don’t stay on a detour with them. Instead, try to add new connections and get back on track. You’re worth it.
It’s hard for me to be objective with myself. I try but it’s often a matter of convenience. I’m quick to tell people to “do the right thing, just because it’s the right thing to do” but when it comes to the way I live my life, the concept can be fleeting.
The big things are easy: Don’t lie, steal, cheat, hurt others, etc… Our values dictate our behavior when it comes to big choices. But the little things can get away from us: Active listening, focused kid time, time management, healthy food choices, etc…
When it’s inconvenient, I make excuses. I tell myself it’s ok “this time.” I think that way because I’m living under the assumption that when it comes to the little things my choices aren’t as important.
Maybe I should change the assumption. Those little choices add up and turn into habits. If I’m not focused, the workout I skipped could turn into a month of workouts; the kid-time I skipped could turn into a broken relationship; and the chips I enjoyed could turn into 10 pounds.
Becoming the best possible version of ourselves isn’t convenient. It takes focused effort. It’s hard. Tom Hanks once said, “It’s supposed to be hard; if it wasn’t hard everyone would do it. Hard is what makes it great.”
I believe that working hard at the little things in your life is also the source of confidence, self-esteem, and happiness. What do you think?
I spent several hours last week reviewing 2010 in my head. It was a year of changes: buying a condo, splitting kid time with my Ex, writing a book, dealing with a prolonged hamstring injury, and trying to get comfortable belonging to just me. I could have handled it better but that’s what hindsight is for, right? I spent most of the year feeling slightly off balance. I exercised less than normal and consequently spent far less time with my core group of friends.
If you’re wise, when you spend time replaying the events of your life, you’ll gain some perspective and use it to insure a better tomorrow. That’s the best thing about the New Year. It’s symbolically a great time to change some things…to get back in balance.
I’m not really making resolutions for the New Year, although I’m not opposed to them. Instead, this year I’m just re-focusing on priorities, on the things I value most, and cutting out the miscellaneous stuff that gets in the way.
I took a step back so I can move forward with vision. What about you? Do you want to do anything better this year than last?
It starts with daycare or pre-school or kindergarten…those early experiences away from home. Even though they are for just a few hours at a time, they come with anxiety and often tears. But quickly those precious little minds learn that it’s going to be OK. They make new friends and have great adventures.
However, the first big experience away from Mom and Dad is usually camp. Facing a week of uncertainty, our kids are often reluctant when it comes to overnight camp. They are anxious alright, but this time its a bigger deal. The have to handle a completely different routine 24/7 and without your help. They have to eat different food and sleep in a cabin with a bunch of kids they’ve possibly never met. That first camp experience can be overwhelming. However, our children make new friends, gain confidence, and start to recognize that the rewards are often worth the risk when it comes to taking on new experiences.
At 18, our babies have to adjust once again. However, this time they are gone for months at a time and unlike every other experience, they are in charge of the routine. College brings back those same anxious feelings, leaving our kids longing for home. But, they adjust again and in the process learn volumes about themselves.
All of these experiences are important because they lay the foundation for the adversity we face as adults. Maybe you’ve lost a spouce or chose to get rid of one; maybe you’ve moved or changed jobs; maybe you’ve changed the direction of your life in some other significant way…whatever the challenge, you will be faced with anxiety…not unlike the anxiety you faced going off to camp. You will worry about how things will turn out. You will feel lonely and sometimes lost…but in the end, you will succeed because the foundation is there. You’ve dealt with other challenges. You believe in the possibilites.
So send your kids to camp…it prepares them for life.
